it’s been a wild five months, and not in the best possible way. rather than recounting the many ways in which the better part of this year has fucked with my head, i’ll say: i’m working on ways to better work through the myriad of intense emotion it’s brought to the surface.
- i’ve been missing my urges to express creativity. i’m ready for everything to not feel dull around the edges anymore. being especially vulnerable (or let’s be honest: opening up at all) has felt like a huge risk i’m not willing to undertake.
- but fear sucks. so i’m going to get a little bit micro focused on building something, anything in the midst of it all unfolding. though there are few outcomes i can control at the moment, one i can control is making something of the thoughts i have.
- i’m not perfect. i live, i breathe, and i worry. a lot. which isn’t all that conducive to taking brave, bold steps into creating something that exists outside of the tumult of my own mind.
- i have realized that no one is counting this pandemic in days, weeks or months any longer. that illusion has passed. i am living through an historic moment, and i am going to capture what i can of it (good, bad or otherwise).
COVID-19 life is a strange new reality, and i’m not going to avoid it anymore. i don’t want to live in it, but frankly none of us has got any other choice, have we? i’m still scared shitless of what it means to keep living through it all, but i need to try to recapture some of the self that i’m so badly missing as we all wait for some return to the lifestyles we’re missing. really, i just want to be able to hug my friends and family again. have a meal out and see a show. relax in the company of others and share happy conversation.
i will write my way through it. when i am frozen, i will write. i will write and write and write. what about you? how will you make your way creatively through this new reality?
reflections (and other things) 